To The People Sitting Behind Me At The Cinema

When you go to the cinema, please remember that:

  • You are not in your lounge, but in a cinema, a public place where you are surrounded by strangers who want to watch the movie, and not listen to you chatter through it all the time.
  • It is annoying enough that you laugh hysterically at every even slightly amusing point, without you then explaining to your partner exactly why you thought it was funny.
  • If you find yourself having to repeat whole passages of dialog to your partner, it was probably because they didn’t hear it the first time because you were talking, or they were talking, or possibly both. Plus, the lines don’t get funnier when you repeat them.
  • If you don’t get what is going on, try waiting for 10 minutes for the plot to explain itself, rather than asking your partner what has happened, or make wild experimental guesses on how the film might end
  • When someone sitting in front of you turns around, makes eye contact and mouths “Shut up”, it actually means they would like to say “Shut the f*** up”, but have no wish to spoil the cinema experience of the other other members of the audience.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoyed the film.

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